Okay gotta get personal…..

Oh here we go with the infamous teenage drama. 

We all know I cheated….. yeah old news……..well I might be pregnant hope not though…….. somehow my boyfriend’s best friend whom I hate had found out about it………my bestfriend found out from him that he hasn;t found the right time to tell my boyfriend………. back to the prenancy thing……….. I don’t know I’ve been having serious PMS lately……..New drama the guy that I cheated on my boyfriend with whom I happen to be very good friends with called me and told me he knew I might be pregnant…..but won’t tell me how or who he heard it from……..Rochester is a really small city you never know……… I don’t know I want to be a good to him and now that one little mistakes coming back…… I think should just tell him. but my friends think that I shouldn’t. I don’t know maybe he’ll forgive me. I hope so atleast. Anywho on a more positive note….. Im havin a beach party on the twenty second!!!! All of my friends are coming!!! Just a great day hanging out with the goonies and such…….Oh here comes the negativity again its NINETY DEGREES here. It never gets this ho. Thats global warming for ya the weathers just getting beside itsself. Craziness. I hope I can get through work and my SAT’s….. its supposed to be this hot for the next five days….. Oh god and my AC does not work.

When is enough, enough?

How do you know when a relationship is over? When all of your efforts and work are useless, the relationship is over love isn’t enough any more. For example Nina and her man are between a rock and a hard place. She wants him to respect and appreciate her and he wants to but he dosen’t know how. Hes been in jail so long he dosen’t know how to have a relationship. So, the real question is what do you do when your in love but you realize its not enough to save what you have and that the past cannot carry the future? And how would you know when you’re there?

RIght now im in a confused place. Im with this guy that I can’t seem to let go of. He dosen’t know how to have a real relationship and I allow that because I can’t leave him alone. Its something about the way he smiles and laughs and the way he dosen’t give in to everything I say like every other guy I know. Maybe im just lonely, I don’t think so because I have people in my life. Maybe Im just not content with myself or maybe I am just infatuated.

 

 

 

 

Do as I say not as I do

Its so horrible that I was bitchin and moanin about men lying and cheating and I went and did it. Well I guess I am an official HYPOCRITE. Well since I did this I decided to take another survey type thingy and find out why people cheat? what are their explinations? How many people cheat? What do people consider cheating?

I’ll start with mine.

I think cheating is doing anything with someone that is not your partner that you wouldn’t want your partner to know about for any reason. It must be wrong if you don’t want them to know. Many might say, “I don’t want them to be mad.” But why would they be mad unless you did something wrong right? Yes, I’ve cheated, out of my four REAL relationships I’ve cheated on all of them whether emotionally or physically. My first real boyfriend was on and off for 2 years and I cheated on him with my second boyfriend, emotionally. My second boyfriend was on and off my freshman year in highschool I cheated on him with my bestfriend of the time. My third boyfriend was my bestfriend that I just mentioned, I cheated on him with a 24 year old I made the mistake of living with. I just cheated on my fourth and current boyfriend with an old friend that I used to go to school with so thats the story. Lets here what the people have to say:

This is what I asked people:

What is cheating to you? Have you ever cheated? Why did you cheat that time? How would you react if you partner cheated on you?

I asked about 50 people of all ages, races and genders. Most people said that cheating is doing anything with a person that is not your partner that you wouldn’t want your partner to do or know about.  Some said  it is only physical contact. A couple even said if it isn’t sex than it isn’t cheating. Here’s some other answers:

CHEATING IS:

“haveing any sexual thoughts or intentions.”

“anyhting emotional, mental or physical with another person. A connection beyond friendship with someone who isn’t your partner.”

“Any romantic physical contact. even just flirting.”

“anything thats not just “friendly”"

“chillin with to many people of the opposite sex”

“doing something with someone else that u wouldn’t want them to do to you.”

” when you look more than twice”

“the moment that you put another person in your mind above the person you’re with. The moment you start lusting you become a cheater. Once you put someone on a pedestal its all starts.”

Out of the 50 people I asked 30 said they never cheated (I figure about 20 of them are lying), 10 said they’ve cheated once, 5 said they’ve cheated 2-5 times and the rest said they couldn’t remember how many times they’ve cheated (I figure more of these haven’t had a girlfriend to cheat on or they really have so much they can’t remember)

Why do they cheat?

Most said because they were bored or felt like they were too good. For the people that said they’ve never cheated most believe that people cheat because of insecurity. ALot also said that they probably aren’t being satisfied.  Some others:

“people feel like they need a boyfriend or girlfriend so they settle, but thats a temporary fulfillment and when they get tired of the person they settled for they go looking for more and cheat.”

“my heart wasn’t in it. she lovedme more than I loved her.”

“because they’re not satisfied to the fullest extent. sometimes its just an urge to conquer, urge to do you.”

“boredom”

“I was out of town”

this is a common one as well:

“she/he cheated on me first”

“the other person made up for the places my partner was lacking”

“I was in a long relationship and didn’t want to break up just to experiment.”

“attention”

“it felt good”

“I lost respect for him”

Reaction:

Basically when I asked what people would do if their partners cheated on them they gave me three answers:

BREAK UP

HURT THEM

WORK IT OUT

DEPENDS ON HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PERSON

LIKE: UPSETTING, REALLY DOSEN’T THROW YOU OFF TRACK

LOVE: DEVASTATING, EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT, LERN TO JUDGE FROM THE ACTIONS THEY’VE SHOWN.

So what can I take from this? I guess cheating is something common. I asked a few if they had ever been cheated on and they all said that they suspected they had. I know that when we as people get in the moment it hard to stop ourselves. From what I hear most people don’t want to cheat but at the time they just couldn’t help it. So I guess we all just have to live with it.

 

 

No hope for me

I’ve been thinking about love lately. And I started thinking about what examples of love I have in my life. I realized that I really don’t have any at all. My mother and father got divorced and I don’t believe he ever loved her and she is capable of loving. Both of my grandmothers husbands cheated on her constantly and so did her last boyfriend. My cousin Denisa who I live with at the moment has never had a healthy relationship. So really how much hope is there for me? Im walking into relationships with mo idea what they are supposed to be like. Now I can blame my family for cheating on my boyfriend Saturday, right? No, I didn’t think so. He sucks as a boyfriend anyways, I let my loneliness get the best of me when I started with him.