Okay gotta get personal…..

Oh here we go with the infamous teenage drama. 

We all know I cheated….. yeah old news……..well I might be pregnant hope not though…….. somehow my boyfriend’s best friend whom I hate had found out about it………my bestfriend found out from him that he hasn;t found the right time to tell my boyfriend………. back to the prenancy thing……….. I don’t know I’ve been having serious PMS lately……..New drama the guy that I cheated on my boyfriend with whom I happen to be very good friends with called me and told me he knew I might be pregnant…..but won’t tell me how or who he heard it from……..Rochester is a really small city you never know……… I don’t know I want to be a good to him and now that one little mistakes coming back…… I think should just tell him. but my friends think that I shouldn’t. I don’t know maybe he’ll forgive me. I hope so atleast. Anywho on a more positive note….. Im havin a beach party on the twenty second!!!! All of my friends are coming!!! Just a great day hanging out with the goonies and such…….Oh here comes the negativity again its NINETY DEGREES here. It never gets this ho. Thats global warming for ya the weathers just getting beside itsself. Craziness. I hope I can get through work and my SAT’s….. its supposed to be this hot for the next five days….. Oh god and my AC does not work.

When is enough, enough?

How do you know when a relationship is over? When all of your efforts and work are useless, the relationship is over love isn’t enough any more. For example Nina and her man are between a rock and a hard place. She wants him to respect and appreciate her and he wants to but he dosen’t know how. Hes been in jail so long he dosen’t know how to have a relationship. So, the real question is what do you do when your in love but you realize its not enough to save what you have and that the past cannot carry the future? And how would you know when you’re there?

RIght now im in a confused place. Im with this guy that I can’t seem to let go of. He dosen’t know how to have a real relationship and I allow that because I can’t leave him alone. Its something about the way he smiles and laughs and the way he dosen’t give in to everything I say like every other guy I know. Maybe im just lonely, I don’t think so because I have people in my life. Maybe Im just not content with myself or maybe I am just infatuated.

 

 

 

 

Just a thought I had

I asked ALOT of peole whether they think an attractive man and an attractive woman can be BEST friends with no complications.

69% said no

31% said yes

Me, The only male that I have that was my best friend became my boyfriend in the end. We’re still best frends but thers always that underline “I wanna do you” thing there. So I’d have to say no just because youmight watch the right movie or commercial and somethins gonna pop-off thats just they way life is.

Do as I say not as I do

Its so horrible that I was bitchin and moanin about men lying and cheating and I went and did it. Well I guess I am an official HYPOCRITE. Well since I did this I decided to take another survey type thingy and find out why people cheat? what are their explinations? How many people cheat? What do people consider cheating?

I’ll start with mine.

I think cheating is doing anything with someone that is not your partner that you wouldn’t want your partner to know about for any reason. It must be wrong if you don’t want them to know. Many might say, “I don’t want them to be mad.” But why would they be mad unless you did something wrong right? Yes, I’ve cheated, out of my four REAL relationships I’ve cheated on all of them whether emotionally or physically. My first real boyfriend was on and off for 2 years and I cheated on him with my second boyfriend, emotionally. My second boyfriend was on and off my freshman year in highschool I cheated on him with my bestfriend of the time. My third boyfriend was my bestfriend that I just mentioned, I cheated on him with a 24 year old I made the mistake of living with. I just cheated on my fourth and current boyfriend with an old friend that I used to go to school with so thats the story. Lets here what the people have to say:

This is what I asked people:

What is cheating to you? Have you ever cheated? Why did you cheat that time? How would you react if you partner cheated on you?

I asked about 50 people of all ages, races and genders. Most people said that cheating is doing anything with a person that is not your partner that you wouldn’t want your partner to do or know about.  Some said  it is only physical contact. A couple even said if it isn’t sex than it isn’t cheating. Here’s some other answers:

CHEATING IS:

“haveing any sexual thoughts or intentions.”

“anyhting emotional, mental or physical with another person. A connection beyond friendship with someone who isn’t your partner.”

“Any romantic physical contact. even just flirting.”

“anything thats not just “friendly”"

“chillin with to many people of the opposite sex”

“doing something with someone else that u wouldn’t want them to do to you.”

” when you look more than twice”

“the moment that you put another person in your mind above the person you’re with. The moment you start lusting you become a cheater. Once you put someone on a pedestal its all starts.”

Out of the 50 people I asked 30 said they never cheated (I figure about 20 of them are lying), 10 said they’ve cheated once, 5 said they’ve cheated 2-5 times and the rest said they couldn’t remember how many times they’ve cheated (I figure more of these haven’t had a girlfriend to cheat on or they really have so much they can’t remember)

Why do they cheat?

Most said because they were bored or felt like they were too good. For the people that said they’ve never cheated most believe that people cheat because of insecurity. ALot also said that they probably aren’t being satisfied.  Some others:

“people feel like they need a boyfriend or girlfriend so they settle, but thats a temporary fulfillment and when they get tired of the person they settled for they go looking for more and cheat.”

“my heart wasn’t in it. she lovedme more than I loved her.”

“because they’re not satisfied to the fullest extent. sometimes its just an urge to conquer, urge to do you.”

“boredom”

“I was out of town”

this is a common one as well:

“she/he cheated on me first”

“the other person made up for the places my partner was lacking”

“I was in a long relationship and didn’t want to break up just to experiment.”

“attention”

“it felt good”

“I lost respect for him”

Reaction:

Basically when I asked what people would do if their partners cheated on them they gave me three answers:

BREAK UP

HURT THEM

WORK IT OUT

DEPENDS ON HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PERSON

LIKE: UPSETTING, REALLY DOSEN’T THROW YOU OFF TRACK

LOVE: DEVASTATING, EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT, LERN TO JUDGE FROM THE ACTIONS THEY’VE SHOWN.

So what can I take from this? I guess cheating is something common. I asked a few if they had ever been cheated on and they all said that they suspected they had. I know that when we as people get in the moment it hard to stop ourselves. From what I hear most people don’t want to cheat but at the time they just couldn’t help it. So I guess we all just have to live with it.

 

 

No hope for me

I’ve been thinking about love lately. And I started thinking about what examples of love I have in my life. I realized that I really don’t have any at all. My mother and father got divorced and I don’t believe he ever loved her and she is capable of loving. Both of my grandmothers husbands cheated on her constantly and so did her last boyfriend. My cousin Denisa who I live with at the moment has never had a healthy relationship. So really how much hope is there for me? Im walking into relationships with mo idea what they are supposed to be like. Now I can blame my family for cheating on my boyfriend Saturday, right? No, I didn’t think so. He sucks as a boyfriend anyways, I let my loneliness get the best of me when I started with him.

Love is…

My last blog had me thinking, What is love really? I couldn’t think of an answer so I asked the people I know. These descriptions are from every type of person, there is a seven year old, teenagers, adults, the elderly, every race i could find and a good mix of genders. So this is the publics opinion on it:

LOVE IS:

Dictionary:

Love: to regard with affection; to like; to delight in; to be in love; to be tenderly attached – (n) warm affection; fond attachment; the passion between the sexes; the objest beloved; a word of endearment.

“people caring deeply about each other. passion. honesty.”

“when you feel somebody is your everything. when youre willing to compromise and make sacrifices for a person.”

“a very strong emotional attachment toward another person.”

“not an emotion, it is a commitment to someones flaws.”

“sacrificial. Making sacrifices is part of loving. learning to put yiur pride aside to get along. being willing to put up with a persons flaws.”

“trust. wanting. undescribable.”

“about the possibility of the thing.”

“the divine untiy of two hearts and two souls. the distinct comprimimsing of two individuals that have very unknown differences that they incorporate into a relationship that betters each one.”

“something that someone feels for the opposite sex.  patient. peaceful. something that you can’t define. so profound .  hard. scary. cruel.”

“undefinable.”

“true friendship. someone who will tell you whats right even if you don’t want to hear it.”

“a friendly warm smile after a long hard day even though you may not want to.”

“when u stop hearing that voice telling you he’s not the right one.”

“a trick. a game. a joker. when you feel a connection with someone that you’ve never felt before you think your in love but it snot true its just feelings.”

So in all this I’ve ralized what I really think love is:

being in a state of awe about a person. like damn I can’t believe after all this shit we wen’t through, after the nasty breath in the morning, after me hating you more than anything else, I couldn’t do without turning over and seeing your face when I up in the morning.”

So what?  Well, Love I guess it is determined by the person. I think everyone will agree to that. All that I hope even though it seems like no one agrees on what it is is that one day I get to feel it.  

The Speaking of a word

the speaking of a word can be a powerful thing, like when someone says LOVE or HATE. i was thinking about this last night when I was watching the BAD GIRLS CLUB which is the funniest show on this planet ( i didn’t know that there were six people that dumb and immature living, wow are they serious i mean get a grip on your life girls). I was thinking, why do those two words effect people so much? Like LOVE, I mean what does it mean?  Why do people want to hear it so much but find it so hard to say to others? Why do people not like to hear HATE but say it so easily? I don’t know, to me LOVE is caring for someone to the end of your abilities and HATE is loathing someone so much that you wish they died. People have told me they loved me but that just goes back to my blog yesterday. They said it because it was what I wanted to hear and because men lie and cheat regularly and without remorse. People have also said they hate me, my mother told me she hated me, so I guess she wishes I’d die. I don’t know you just gotta watch what you say, Shit you might say I love you and gain a stalker and you might say I hate you and gain a seiral killer. Its a risk Im not willing to take.

All guys lie!!!

I just had an arguement with my guy friend about guys lying and cheating. I believe that all guys lie and cheat, its like a proven fact. I’ve never known a guy that hasn’t lied and the bull shot is they lie about stupid shit that dosen’t even matter. My guy friend tried to tell me that that wasn’t true, but I’ve been around when his girlfriend has caught him in STUPID lies. Soooooooooo………Verdict is in All men Lie.. point blank.

 

If anything a woman has to decide if a man is worth the trouble of worrying what he’s lying about.